I want to report that my problem has now been partially solved. Digging through Google, I found this neat little keybinding utility dubbed keytouch
. It's lightweight, effective and highly configurable. The more interesting part is that it's already available through Synaptic.
It seems to detect all of my extra shortcut keys, although not all of them work. Turning the volume dial, for example, doesn't actually change the volume level. But I'll find a way to get around it, I suppose.
Again, thank you for responding to my question. I really appreciate it.