I'm not much more than a noob myself but here goes...
First of all, it looks like you have two sound devices in your computer. Get rid of one. If you're not proficient enough to go tromping through your computers BIOS then remove the sound card. If your speaker connections on your sound card or motherboard are colorcoded then plug into the light green one (if you're using 2.1 speakers). If you're using bigger than 2.1 speakers, plugging into the light green plugin should get sound out of the front your leads are colorcoded too).
Next, check to see that, whichever you're using, is what is showing in the sound devices window (I forget the exact terminology).You should have sound.
Be prepared for a re-install of the OS if the above doesn't fix you're problem. The two sound device conflict may have botched up the works requiring a re-install to sort things out. Walk-on-Water Linux Gurus may have another, less bothersome fix, that is unknown to me.
I have used both AC 97 and the Ensoniq based sound cards in linux and they both work out of the box. I believe that getting rid of the conflict will relieve your problem.
As for video, that card may not have the horsepower to run the extra effects. I have a PNY Verto video card with that chipset that I haven't used in a while due to a bad fan on the GPU. I may be wrong. That card is, probably, 7 or 8 years old. Probably, a 2X/4X AGP card. You, may still find a replacement at http://www.newegg.com
with a little more horsepower to fix your problem. If your motherboard will handle a 4X/8X AGP video card, this will open up your options condsiderably.
The other stuff not working is beyond me. With those problems and the soundcard issues, I'd check the checksums on my install disk and re-install the OS once I found out I had a good disk. Again, the Walk-on-Water Linux Gurus, probably, have an easier fix:)