xubuntu vnc4server problems

[w2ibc]

I have a machine which is just used to stream a radioref feed. it uses xubuntu.

ive installed vnc4server. and it does work.. to a point.

I can get into the xfce desktop but no panel. if i open "home" ill see the file browser until i click something then it dies.

what the hell am i missing here. sadly its taken me about 6 hours to just get this far.

this is what the .vnc/xstartup looks like

#!/bin/sh

# Uncomment the following two lines for normal desktop:
unset SESSION_MANAGER
# exec /etc/X11/xinit/xinitrc

#[ -x /etc/vnc/xstartup ] && exec /etc/vnc/xstartup
[ -r $HOME/.Xresources ] && xrdb $HOME/.Xresources
#xsetroot -solid grey
#vncconfig -iconic &
#x-terminal-emulator -geometry 80x24+10+10 -ls -title #"$VNCDESKTOP Desktop" &
#x-window-manager &

startxubuntu &
xfwm4 &
xfce4-panel &
xfdesktop &

any ideas? like i said I can connect to the xubuntu machine from my lmde box. but all i get it xubuntu wallpaper, the home,file,trash icons and nothing else