This is obviously aimed at people far more geeky than me because I didnt get any of them
1.When Linux is outlawed, only outlaws will own Linux.
Explanation: According to companies such as SCO and some Microsoft representatives Linux is "illegal" or at least "violates patents". It's all BS. Anyhow, shoud Linux really be "outlawed" then this would make us all outlaws. Cool
... I always wanted to be a super-dangerous "gangsta". Now with Linux I can.
.... So now when you walk in the streets and someone tells you "Yo! I got a ton of machine guns at home ....." you can now respond with "I got Linux, and I know how to use it!" ... The other guy will instantly fall on his knees before you and kiss the ground upon which you walk for you must truly be the king of all gangstas ...
2. When installing Linux, it is so much fun to run fdisk without backing up first.
Explanation: 'fdisk' is used for partitioning, e.g. create filesystems for Linux. So usually you'd probably do that trying as far as possible not to destroy anything, e.g. your Windows partition or other Linux partitions from other distros you maybe already installed. How boring. So it's far more 'interesting' if you run 'fdisk' without actually knowing what you do and without having done a backup first
No risk no fun
3.The flames you get from asking questions on Linux newsgroups are of a higher quality than the flames you get for posting to alt.sex.bestiality
Us Linux demi-Gods are far better at writing unpleasant arrogant remarks to noobs than wannabe Windoze demi-Gods or those poor perverted souls writing unpleasant messages to those other poor perverted souls who admit being interested in sexual contacts with animals and even post messages in the Internet about that type of activity (how the two groups can even know about each other unless they hang around in the same dark places on the web is one of the eternal mysteries of the Internet
.... ) Therefore: Flame messages from Linux demi-Gods are of a much much higher quality. We're smarter, we're better informed, better trained and wittier. Hence the higher quality in our flame messages
So if you're after high-quality flame messages (aren't all noobs interested in that?) admitting to your friends and online-contacts stuff like "Hey, you know I am into animal sex and tried to find some animal **** on the Internet ..." is the wrong way. Asking trivial stuff on Linux forums such as ".... why isn't there a C:\ drive ... " will get you far far better flames of much higher intellectual quality
4.No matter what flavor of Linux you install, you'll find out tomorrow there was a far more 3l1te ersion you should have gotten instead.
Yes, total horror. Imagine: you install 'distro X' only to find out that your "Linux Geek" elite status would drastically increase if you had installed 'distro Y' and 'distro Z' instead.
5.People who use Free BSD or Solaris will not make fun of you. They will offer their sympathy instead.
That's because Solaris and BSD users are mentally ill and actually think that their OS is superior to Linux ... Their showing sympathy for you is in fact a silent cry for help and you as Linux user should respond to them in an appropriate manner: Have sympathy for them .... and send them one hell of a mean flame message.
6.At the next Def Con you'll be able to say stuph like "so then I su-ed to his account and grepped all his files for 'kissyface'." Oops, grepping other people's files is a no-no, forget I ever suggested it.
"DefCon" is a conference related to network security -- so there are thousands of hackers there. So they discuss about all the latest security holes and how they got into other people's machines and spied on them ... only to condemn such "immoral" actions in the next sentence. So the above example could be rephrased to "And so I got into this guy's account and spied on his **** files ... But hey, you know that you're not supposed to do such bad things, right? Anyhow, let's do it anyway .... I mean the security holes are there with a purpose, right? Oh I feel so bad and guilty now ... I really need to hijack someone else's **** collection now or else I will feel dirty and depressed all day long ... next victim's account please ... "
7.Port surf in privacy.
As a Linux demi-God you of course know everything. So you will have no troubles whatsoever to find all the many open TCP/IP ports someone "left open" for you and you will have no troubles to connect to all those ports in complete anonymity ... Even though that's impossible, but us Linux demi-Gods can bend the laws of gravity and physics ... so bending a few network protocols shouldn't be a big problem, right?
8.One word: exploits.
Same as above. Analyzing other people's software and finding thousands of exploits which you can abuse at your will is what makes the difference between you a Linux God and a dumb Windoze 'script kiddie'.
9.Installing Linux on your office PC is like being a postal worker and bringing an Uzi to work.
Better analogy: Installing Linux on your office PC is like being a 2nd class stewardess and constructing your own super-sonic stealth bomber during a 1-hour stop somewhere on a 3rd world country airport.
10.But - - if you install Linux on your office computer, you boss won't have a clue what that means.
Most managers are morons and "intellectually challenged". You as a Linux demi-God are so much more intelligent and so much smarter. With Linux on your office PC you can bend the laws of physics, surf **** without being detected and with all the exploits that you discovered and all the anonymous port surfing you will soon be able to hack into your company's finance department and hack the money transactions system. And because Linux demi-Gods are so super-duper smart you will even get away with that crime .... Oh wait, in fact it isn't a crime. Us Linux demi-Gods are above the law ... we're just demonstrating yet another exploit and that's perfectly OK, right? Don't forget to open an anonymous bank account in Switzerland like all the others Linux demi-Gods, because you don't really plan on paying taxes on your new-found income, right? And no, it's not 'tax cheating' ... yet just another exploit you masterfully demonstrate ... and we're above the law anyway, right?
Nothing here is meant to be taken serious ... or maybe it is?