Computer related jokes

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ClutchDisc
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Re: Computer related jokes

Post by ClutchDisc » Fri Sep 12, 2014 5:24 pm

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JohnBobSmith
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Re: Computer related jokes

Post by JohnBobSmith » Fri Sep 12, 2014 7:31 pm

Good one clutch disc! Here is one I just made up, based on that..

Windows 7:

Where
Intruders do whatever
Network attack
'Dat they so desire!
Oh my,
Windows
Sucks
7 times over!
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ClutchDisc
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Re: Computer related jokes

Post by ClutchDisc » Fri Sep 12, 2014 8:32 pm

:lol: I love that one too John! Good work! I always love a good anti MS joke..
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Re: Computer related jokes

Post by jahid » Sat Sep 13, 2014 5:50 am

Microsoft=MS=M$=Mega dollar
jahid@HP ProBook 440 G1 Laptop

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Re: Computer related jokes

Post by ClutchDisc » Sun Sep 14, 2014 12:01 am

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Re: Computer related jokes

Post by ClutchDisc » Wed Sep 17, 2014 9:50 am

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole
world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level,
stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
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jahid
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Re: Computer related jokes

Post by jahid » Wed Sep 17, 2014 12:13 pm

ClutchDisc wrote:There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole
world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level,
stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
Tell him that I am laughing on him.... :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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nomko
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Re: Computer related jokes

Post by nomko » Thu Sep 18, 2014 4:53 am

ClutchDisc wrote:..........He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

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PatH57
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Re: Computer related jokes

Post by PatH57 » Thu Sep 18, 2014 5:03 am

stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level
:lol:
People disagree with me. I just ignore them.
(Linus Torvalds, regarding the use of C++ for the Linux kernel.)

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Re: Computer related jokes

Post by ClutchDisc » Thu Sep 18, 2014 10:13 am

:lol: I knew that one would get some laughs..
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Re: Computer related jokes

Post by ClutchDisc » Thu Sep 18, 2014 10:26 am

Here is another good one! :lol:

No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:

1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.

2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.

3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.

4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too.

5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too.

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus.

It's a bug.
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Crewp
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Re: Computer related jokes

Post by Crewp » Thu Sep 18, 2014 6:56 pm

that was funny Clutch :lol:
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JohnBobSmith
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Re: Computer related jokes

Post by JohnBobSmith » Thu Sep 18, 2014 8:06 pm

Heres one about Bill Gates himself. I originally found it online but at the moment I can't find the website again.... So this is my interpretation of it. :)

Bill Gates passes away and meets God in purgatory. God says Bill can either go to Heaven or to Hell.
God asks Bill "Which one would you like to see first?"
Bill replies "I would like to see heaven first."
So God shows Bill Heaven. It has a majestic castle high in the clouds looking down upon Earth.
Bill says "Gee God, this is great. But what does Hell look like?"
So God takes Bill to see Hell. Inside Hell, Bill is shown a hot sunny beach with good looking women and a bar and even a hotel for Bill to stay in.
God asks Bill "Where would you like to go?"
Bill replies with "I would like to go to Hell."
So God sends Bill to Hell.
Two weeks later, God visits Bill in Hell. Bill cries out in pain and terror, saying "God, this is not what you promised me! What happend to the beautiful women and the bar and the hotel?!!"
God replies with "That was the demo version of Hell"

Sorry the joke is a bit long, but please read all of it.

I can make some deeper connections here. I find that the thing with most demo versions of software is that we are promised so much, and that it will be good. In the end though we are cheated out of money and lied to and end up with a crappy pieace of software like Windows 8/8.1. Demo versions of software (or anything for that matter) are, in most cases, not to be trusted. Hence why Bill ended up in Hell in the above joke. I hope you had a good laugh! :D
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ClutchDisc
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Re: Computer related jokes

Post by ClutchDisc » Thu Sep 18, 2014 8:28 pm

^^^I've seen that one before! :)

Here is another really good one:

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with
a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into
the Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10 miles
visibility when his instruments went out.

He began circling around looking for a landmark. Finally, a small
opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with a guy
working alone on the fifth floor. He banks the plane around, rolls
down the window and shouts to the guy, "Hey where am I?"

The man replies, "You're in an airplane." The pilot rolls up the
window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to perform a
perfect blind landing on the airport runway 5 miles away. Just as
the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out.

The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it.

"Quite easy," replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building
a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct
but absolutely useless, therefore, that must be Microsoft's
support office and from there the airport is just five miles due
East."

:D :D
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JohnBobSmith
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Re: Computer related jokes

Post by JohnBobSmith » Thu Sep 18, 2014 8:48 pm

Haha, thats great ClutchDisc.
ClutchDisc wrote:... The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless ...
:lol: so true for most supports websites and such. Thankfully the Linux community is *MUCH* better than being 100% correct but absolutely useless. :lol: :)
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ClutchDisc
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Re: Computer related jokes

Post by ClutchDisc » Thu Sep 18, 2014 9:09 pm

Thanks! :mrgreen:

Yes, I would have to agree the community here is very nice and helpful. They have helped me through a number of issues.
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Re: Computer related jokes

Post by capivara » Sat Sep 20, 2014 3:57 am

When Microsoft realized that Windows 8's interface didn't make sense to most of its users, they decided it was time to hire someone capable of explaining things to the public in a simple, understandable way. Steve Ballmer's approach – jumping and screaming around on stage – clearly didn't cut it.

The decision was made to look for people from the educational sector. After weeding out most of the applicants, three potential teachers were invited for a job interview: a former IT professor, a high school teacher, and a teacher working at a special school for children with learning disabilities.

The first applicant to be invited into the office was the IT professor. After almost an hour the guy returned. “Did you get the job?” the remaining two teachers asked. “Not sure”, he replied, “it was hard, very hard.”

The interview of the high school teacher took about an hour as well, and when he returned he shook his head. “Man, this was the hardest interview ever. Holy crap.”

The interview of the last applicant – the teacher working at a special school for children with learning disabilities - took only 10 minutes. When he returned, he smiled. “I've got the job! Not only that, I got the salary I wanted, the car I wanted, and got everything else I asked for!”

The first two applicants were baffled. “Ho did you pull that off? On paper we were much better candidates!” “Quite simple” the man replied, “they were all former students of mine.”
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ClutchDisc
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Re: Computer related jokes

Post by ClutchDisc » Sat Sep 20, 2014 9:17 am

Hahahahahaha!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: Good one capivara, thanks for the morning laugh!
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Re: Computer related jokes

Post by JohnBobSmith » Sat Sep 20, 2014 11:35 am

I love this one...

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech Rep: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech Rep: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech Rep: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It's not a separate thing, it pops out of my computer."
Tech Rep: "A cup holder pops out of your computer? We don't have such computers."
Caller: "Yes, you do. It's a large cup holder, about the size of a CD plate. So I was using a big cup and it broke off.......

source:
http://www.craziestjokes.com/computer-r ... jokes.html
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PatH57
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Re: Computer related jokes

Post by PatH57 » Sat Sep 20, 2014 11:47 am

based on a true story
Customer Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

CS: "What sort of trouble?"

C: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

CS: "Went away?"

C: "They disappeared."

CS: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

C: "Nothing."

CS: "Nothing?"

C: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

CS: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

C: "How do I tell?"

CS: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

C: "What's a sea-prompt?"

CS: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

C: "There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

CS: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

C: "What's a monitor?"

CS: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

C: "I don't know."

CS: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

C: "Yes, I think so."

CS: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

C: ".......Yes, it is."

CS: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

C: "No."

CS: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

C: ".......Okay, here it is."

CS: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

"I can't reach."

CS: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

C: "No."

CS: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

C: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

CS: "Dark?"

C: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

CS: "Well, turn on the office light then."

C: "I can't."

CS: "No? Why not?"

C: "Because there's a power outage."

CS: "A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

C: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

CS: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

C: "Really? Is it that bad?"

CS: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

C: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

CS: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
People disagree with me. I just ignore them.
(Linus Torvalds, regarding the use of C++ for the Linux kernel.)

Please Add [Solved] to the topic-title of your first post when appropriate so others know they might find a solution here.

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