Canadian Declaration of War on USA

[JTemple]

President George Bush was in the Oval Office, when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, President Bush" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Archie, up ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove, Newfoundland, Canada eh? I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on ya!"

"Well Archie," George replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, me cousin Harold, me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"

George paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Holy jeez," said Archie. "I'll have ta call ya back!" Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. “Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Archie?” George asked.

"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry's farm tractor."

President Bush sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."

Lard T'underin' bye", said Archie, I'll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day. "President Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four byes from the Legion have joined us as well!"

George was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Jumpins," said Archie,” I’ll have ta call youse back."

Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "President Bush! I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said George. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed two million prisoners."

[Bolle1961]

[Lady Fitzgerald]

Archie must have been a recent immigrant from Dublin.

[JTemple]

Archie must have been a recent immigrant from Dublin.

Yes, Archie does get around.

[old_noob]

Archie must have been a recent immigrant from Dublin.

Some Newfies whose families came over 300 years ago still sound like recent immigrants from Dublin...

[Portreve]

This reminds me of the following:

Greetings!

You have just received the Irish Virus.

As we don't have any programming experience, this virus works on the honor system.

Please delete all the files on your hard drive manually and forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list.

Thank you for your cooperation.

[JTemple]

This reminds me of the following:

Greetings!

You have just received the Irish Virus.

As we don't have any programming experience, this virus works on the honor system.

Please delete all the files on your hard drive manually and forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list.

Thank you for your cooperation.

[kelevra]

Archie and his friends sound like a very determined bunch.

[JTemple]

Archie and his friends sound like a very determined bunch.

Sure want to start a war somewhere!

[Mick-Cork]

Irish: "Please divert your course 15 degrees north to avoid collision."

British naval radio: "Recommend you change YOUR course 15 degrees to the north to avoid collision."

British: "This is the Captain of a British Navy Ship. I say again divert YOUR course."

Irish: "Negative. Divert your course."

British: "This is the aircraft carrier HMS Britannia! The second largest ship in the British Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers, and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees to the north or measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship!"

Short pause...

Irish: "We're a lighthouse. Your call!"

-----

A variant of an old, but still good, one

[JTemple]

Irish: "Please divert your course 15 degrees north to avoid collision."

British naval radio: "Recommend you change YOUR course 15 degrees to the north to avoid collision."

British: "This is the Captain of a British Navy Ship. I say again divert YOUR course."

Irish: "Negative. Divert your course."

British: "This is the aircraft carrier HMS Britannia! The second largest ship in the British Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers, and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees to the north or measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship!"

Short pause...

Irish: "We're a lighthouse. Your call!"

-----

A variant of an old, but still good, one

Love It!!