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lsemmens wrote: ⤴Tue Aug 21, 2018 5:30 am
A blond city girl...
Ok, then it must be time for me to tell the world's funniest blond joke.
Any objections?
Yes .
As a blonde city girl , I resemble that remark !
Ok. This really is the funniest blond joke ever. It's so funny that I guarantee you'll be telling it to all your blond friends.
A blond was walking along the beach, kicking things on the shore. She kicked something out of the sand and picked it up. She looked at it and thought it resembled a magic lamp so she decided to rub it. Purple smoke came out of it and all of a sudden there was a gigantic purple genie standing in front of her. He looked at her and thought, "Ok, she's blond. I'll get away with giving her one wish."
Genie: "I'm the genie of the lamp! I grant you one wish!"
Blond: "But I thought I got three wishes!"
Genie: "Get real. That's only in fairy stories. You get one wish, so make it a good one."
Blond: "Ok, well, men always buy me dinner and drinks. They buy me jewellery and clothes galore. One even pays for my apartment. Oh! One bought me a Mercedes! I think it's because I'm blond and not very intelligent. OK! I've got it! I wish I was ten times dumber!"
PING!! He turned her into a man.
"There is, ultimately, only one truth -- cogito, ergo sum -- everything else is an assumption." - Me, my swansong.
I don't really care for anti-men jokes. Some of my best friends are men after all.
To be on the safe side, there's always animal jokes...
A police officer spots a guy driving around in his convertible, with two penguins on the back seat. She stops him and asks what's up with the penguins being in his car. The man says 'Officer, I don't know. They were in my car when I got out of the store, and I'm not sure what to do.' 'Well, you should take them to the zoo then.' 'Thank you, that's a good idea, I'm on it.' And he drives away.
Some hours later, she sees the same car and the same driver, and the penguins are still in the back seat but now they are wearing sunglasses. She stops him and says in a stern voice, 'What's this? Didn't I tell you to take those penguins to the zoo?' He replies, 'Officer, I did, it was very nice and now we're heading for the beach.'
A zebra has escaped from the zoo, wanders around for a while and ends up on a farm. 'Oh hey!' our hero thinks, 'what's all this then? I should check it out.'
The zebra sees a farm animal, and asks: 'Hello! What are you, and what is it you do here?'
'I'm a chicken' the chicken replies, 'And I lay a nice fresh egg every day'. 'Oh, that's neat.'
There's another animal! 'Hello! What are you, and what is it you do here?'
'I'm a cow, and I give milk.' 'Oh, that's cool.'
And another one. 'Hello! What are you, and what is it you do here?'
'I'm a horse. And I pull the plow and the cart.' 'Oh, that's great.'
Yet another animal... 'Hello! What are you, and what is it you do here?'
*lowest voice you can muster* 'I'm the bull. And... just take off those pajamas, and you'll see.'
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Not sure I agree on the first point .... maybe there's a need to redress the balance ?
But on the second point , here's an animal joke combined with a nationalist joke ( yes , catweazel ) ....
and those have been around forever ( Note : Fawlty Towers in Spanish portrays Manuel as an Italian )
Two Australian men are walking towards each other on a dusty outback road .
One has a sheep with a huge fleece .
First man .... " That's a good looking sheep fella , are you going to shear her ? "
Second man .... " No mate , she's all mine ! "
[ Probably needs to be heard/read with an Aussie accent - ]
Bloke's car breaks down at the edge of a small country town.
Whilst the bonnet is up a horse comes over and says to the bloke "Needle jet on carburettor needs cleaning"
Bloke cleans needle jet and starts car goes into pub orders a whisky and explains whats just happened to the bartender.
"Was it a black horse with a white stripe down its nose ?"
"Yes" says bloke.
So the barman replies "Aaaarrrr - mate !! You were lucky ! Lucky you was ! There is normally a white horse in that paddock and he knows nothing about carburettors"
A blonde woman is walking through the forest, trying to get home. She comes across a broad river and sees another blonde woman on the far bank, but no bridge. She shouts to the other blonde
"How do I get to the other side?"
and the other blonde shouts back,
"You ARE on the other side".